Nov 30, 2001

soul_d


Mama said to knock you out.
Soul D Review's DRAGON FIST
I know someone that talks on the phone when pooping.
Starring Jackie Chan

There once was a green dragon that ate bad people. 1979. Jackie Chan is a student in a martial arts school that is very happy because their master just won a big tournament. The school was gleefully carrying away their prize, a giant sign, when another martial arts school approached them. The master of this school challenged Jackie Chan's master, and mercilessly beats him, giving him fatal injuries. This master steals the giant sign, and then destroys the other giant sign that Jackie Chan's school had.
Later, the mean master's wife kills herself so that the gods will not take anger with her husband for the murder he committed. This breaks the mean master, as he realizes how selfish and rude he was in killing the master of the other kung-fu school. Another Kung-Fu school shows up, and starts killing the mean master's men, secretly. It is evident that a war is going on.
Jackie Chan travels hundreds of miles to gain vengeance for his master. He beats up a bunch of people that get in his way, and then he eventually arrives at the mean master's school. The master demands that all of his students treat Jackie with respect, as he owes him a debt. Jackie Chan, his foster mom, and his foster sister sit down with the master and his daughter. The master asks Jackie Chan if is okay if he comes back in three days to collect what he is owed. Jackie agrees.I'm afraid of the candyman.
Jackie Chan Red Jackie Chan returns to collect his vengeance, but offers forgiveness when the master presents Jackie with a giant gold sign to replace the one he broke, as well as his own severed leg in a box. Jackie leaves and gets really upset.
Meanwhile, this other kung-fu school poison's Jackie Chan's foster mom so that he will do their dirty work in exchange for the antidote. Jackie Chan is framed for the murder of the masters grandson. The masters school is framed for the murder of Fatso. Fatso is some big guy that was killing lots of people. Jackie Chan shows up to the masters school again with the other kung-fu clan and What did you say about my clit? apologizes to the crippled master for having to do what he is. Eventually, everyone starts fighting, and most of the students are killed. The evil kung-fu clan orders Jackie Chan to kill the master and his disciples. The evil clan has Jackie Chan's foster mom held hostage. She tells Jackie not to kill the master, and then suddenly dies. Jackie opens a can of whoop-ass on this guy that happened to be in arms length. Then he kills all the people in the evil clan. Then really really big letters come up spelling "THE END."
Kurt Angle Don't Surf.
And in other news, Dog Pound won the song lyric contest again by correctly identifying the lyric "In my arena you will fail" as belonging to the song "Scrum" by Slayer, so he gets to keep his computer speakers. This next contest is for Dog Pound's Aliens Special Edition DVD. Can you name the song and band that spawned this lyric?
You might be the chosen one at junior high tonight.
Email your answers to Soul D. And for crying out loud, is there somone out there that can impound the pound? Oh yeah, there are secrets in this update too....

LONG STRONG AND INVADING HONG KONG!
One time four really bad men went downtown and caused a ruckus. Most of them were sent away on the hell city bus, but one had to be stopped by spiderman. That man was Hugh Grant.
Nov 26, 2001

soul_d


MEET ME AT THE PAT!!!
I'm sorry I got fat
Come to the Patricia Hotel! Have great fun, meet many new and interesting people, and stand in line for hours! That was the scene Saturday night. After travelling the great trek to Humboldt in Young Chris's carriage, I made plans with Blue 4130 to head down to the Pat. His fine older sister, Danielle, decided to join us. We could not convince Brian to accompany us. Much like a disenchanted Mr. Clean, he decided to stay home and watch Voyager. One day, we will convince Brian to join us in our rambling.
Meet me at the Pat!
We arrived at the Pat close to Ten, and stood in line for half an hour to get inside. The wait would have been considerably longer, except that we started waiting at the front of the line instead of the back. Don't ask me how we do it, we just, uh, do it. After we were granted entrance to the temple of debauchery, we stood in line at the coat check. After relinquishing our coats to the care of the staff, we then stood in line at the ATM. With our bills in hand, we stood in line at the bar. Finally, at Eleven, we had beers in hand and a party in our hearts that everyone was invited to.I HEART BOOBS
Five Good Tunes I Heard at the Pat:
Nickelback How You Remind Me
Captain Tractor Last Saskatchewan Pirate
Vanilla Ice Ice Ice Baby              JON
Poison Talk Dirty to Me     VOIGT WUZ
Alien Ant Farm Smooth Criminal   HERE
The bar was absolutely hopping. We found many people that we knew, and many that we were just meeting. Donnelly was there, Hubbs too, and Bill. The girls at the Pat were are all very friendly, and very frisky. Perhaps even unladylike. But, I suppose it's alright if the lady's like copping a feel once in a while. I can accept that. Blue 4130 certainly received his fair share of smacks on his bottom, and most of those were from girls.
The Pat has a decent dance floor, and a good selection of music. They play everything from rap and dance, to full out rock, and even a little country. I was there, shaking it down with the mad party crowd. I think that the esteemed Wesley Willis would have said "The mad dance party jam session the Pat was pounding out really whipped a horse's ass with belt." In fact, there was one short guy in attendance that looked like he just got off the Hell City Bus.
I did not see this man at the Pat
I saw this red haired girl at the art show I went to on Friday, she was real cute. I did everything right, up until the point where I'd have to talk to her. Oh well, I still got my free beer.
As the evening wound down it was clear that the Pat was an excellent choice for our activities. I have enjoyed the Pat to the utmost on every visit I have made.

In other news, Dog Pound won the song naming contest. No one named the mystery lyrics. The new contest offers Dog Pound's computer speakers as a prize. Can you name the band that wrote this lyric?
In my arena you will fail.
Email Soul D with your answer. And of course, I have hidden secret messages in this update that you will have to highlight for sight.
Nov 23, 2001

soul_d


 
 
Some of the best song lyrics this year has had to offer.
Identify them all, and email soul_d@pwrsrc.net with your answers.
The prize in this contest is one item from Dog Pound's bedroom.
You may have anything in there.
 
All of these songs have been released as singles for airplay.
They have all been played on one of our radio stations, or on Much Music.
 
1) This time I was mistaken,
For giving you a heart worth breaking.
 
2) He's too stoned, nintendo.
 
3) They say that girl you know she act so rough rough rough.
 
4) He lives on my block, and he drives an IROC.
 
5) You must have been sent from up above.
 
6) Why'd you have go and be somebody like you?
 
7) Rolaids, Pepto, and Tums!
 
8) I'm the definition of half man, half drums.
 
9) It was way back in the corner of this old ramshackle barn,
thirty years of dust and dirt on that green army tarp.
When I pulled the cover off it took away my breath,
what she'd called a Chevy was a sixty six corvette.
 
10) So sorry, it's over.
 
So guess, guess away. As well, I have a bonus verse for you all to take a swing.
This one will be a little harder, so I up the stakes on the prize for this one.
If you correctly answer, Dog Pound will be your butler for one week.
So, here it is. I need to know the name of the song, and the artist.
 
Bonus:
I've got a blonde on my lap, a brunette on my right,
and two black haired babes just walked in the door.
And another just walked by and snuck me a touch,
just like Bustarhymes, I say "gimme some more."
This blue eyed daisy, her hair was so wavy,
I asked if she dug me, she said "it's more than a maybe"
So I looked in her eyes, and I moved in close. I said:
"Hail to the king, baby."
These girls have all gone wild, now how cool is that?
I gotta get some.
 
  *
Drag your mouse between the stars for a surprise!                       GRAEME IS GAY!
  *
 
Toodles.
Nov 20, 2001

soul_d


Soul Presents

Rblords.com: The Year In Review

Welcome to november. It is time to have a massive update. About two and a half Megs massive. So get some supplies, and sit down. I have decided to present the year in review. It has actually been a pretty busy year. We saw girls coming, we saw girls going. We were at showgirls, we saw the world turn upside down, we saw some serious shit. We travelled the province and discovered love. We learned a lot about each other. It has been incredible. I SALUTE YOU ALL!










Oh man, that shin thing just seems to go on forever, doesn't it? I spent some time digging through an entire year of rblords updates. It was amazing. I laughed, I cried, and then I went for some BK. I have made a record of some of the biggest moments in the last year for rblords. Click on the date to relive the love!
Here are the 18 best rblords posts of the last year, presented in no paticular order.


       March 14


The more better 'vette


The More Better Car.
In the month of March, Unit3 provided spitfire with this incredible picture of the new corvette. Unit3 has been a big part of the rblords family for years. Except he left.


       May 8


THE PREDICTION IS PAIN! Picture of Audiophile from the Seventies.
Back in May, Spitfire found this awesome picture of everyone's favorite guy. There was much delight when it was first posted, and it led to audiophiles confession that he's actually 36 years old. Yes, that picture was taken when he was 9! Talk about early elephants with afros!



       August 22


Oh, he's not lost... Farm Accident Number Five.
This picture was part of a series of farm accident pictures posted by Spitfire back in August. Rblords has always been a leader in safety, and along with our partners, Sask Energy, would like to remind you that for everyone who loves you, come home safe tonight. Also, stop doing drugs.



       June 30


I will not be denied! The Cuff Heard Around the World.
Based on a true story, this update tells the brief tale of when Dog Pound ran into the safeway, and cuffed the famous Jon Voigt. Mr. Voigt told team rblords that "that was not the nicest thing that anyone has done for me." Dog Pound was jacked up on Limp Bizkit at the time.



       September 3


The Month of August in Review.
I thought I'd give this article mention, because it was one of the largest updates ever put on rblords. As well, it was one of many that offered Dog Pound's property as a contest prize. As for the contest in question, it is important to note that Audiophile won it. Dog Pound has yet to hand over his Minidisc player to Audiophile.


       March 1


Oh baby, keep on keepin on!


The First Anniversery of Rblords.com.
Rblords turning one year old was probably the most awesome thing to happen since puberty.


       Febuary 21


For great justice, dial down the center: 1-800-CALLATT Great Justice, Great Reporting.
Rblords was probably te first website on the internet to report the "all your base" phenomenom. Try to prove it different, and I will forward your email to Unit3. Suck that, sucka.



       July 16


nightmares


Favorite Girl Dies.
Not everything reported on rblords is funny. This picture depicts the death of Favorite girl. Rblords has always brought you the cold hard truth. This picture, however is a work of fiction. It is a work showing the pain and suffering and the death that could come. It reminds us that everything good still has to die.


       Febuary 2


All Dodge go to heaven. The Death of the Volare.
Another morbid picture that has been shown on rblords, this picture portrays the death of the Super-Volare. Later that year, the Volare really did go to that great 5 star dealership in the sky. That car really whipped a horse's ass with a belt.



       July 28


You don't wanna fuck with Cayley


Young Cayley.
This picture of Cayley, taken in January of 2000, shows a nice young boy. But don't let the image fool you, he's really a cold blooded killer. No, honest. Spitfire has a picture of him with a knife and he looks really mean.


       August 9


From our house to your house. Digital Nudity.
Back in August, Audiophile shocked the entire online world by posting the first uncensored pictures of a naked woman. It was here on Rblords that this media frenzy began. At the time, it made a lot of people angry. Now, thanks to Audiophile and rblords.com, naked people dominate the internet.



       Febuary 3


SAY HELLO!


Giant Picture of Nicole.
This picture was featured prominately on the front page of Rblords back in Febuary. It recieved rave reviews for it's artistic merit, and Soul D went on to win the Pullitzer Prize and the Order of Canada for it, as well as six Emmy's and a free 600ml Mountain Dew. Originally, it was posted full size, which caused awful scroll bar problems. Spitfire has since resized the original posting, but you can click the above image to view it in it's entirety. The value does not diminish with age.


       October 15


notorious Whole Lotta 'Slaw!
Audiophile posted this picture of the esteemed Spitfire back in October in his story on the YC's Chitek Lake Escape trip. Spitfire is known in many circles as an unstoppable eating machine, with a gas powered trumpet that won't stop.



       June 17


HEY!  CHECK OUT YC'S HOUSE!


Burt Reynolds Joins Team Rblords.
In the month of June, Burt Reynolds joined team rblords and began editing Soul D's weekend updates. Everyone was excited that Burt Reynolds had joined, but were all confused when asked to call him "Turd Fergeson." Check out Steven's Back!


       January 8


My server is good digital and love for your on the machine The SDB Server Winamp Skin.
In the monthes leading up to the year 2001, Spitfire held a contest for readers to develop winamp skins for his server. Saul Behir entered an awesome skin from the SDB Server, but did not win the contest, as it had been cancelled. Saul has no regrets.



       March 31


Pike Lake 2001. Dreams come true... The Pike Lake 2001 Trailer.
This trailer for the upcoming pike lake trip was one of the first such works in it's class. It was an exciting piece of work that made everyone who watched it very happy, and more importantly, want to visit pike lake. The Pike Lake Trailer video may have been outdone since it came out, but it will always be a classic.



       August 31


Drink lots of Scotch and watch lots of crotch! Rib Head.
This is certainly one of the most famous pictures of Spitfire ever taken. He is pictured here wearing one of his condoms on his head. Talk about double XL! He was a mad party machine during Tub 2K1, and not even the police could make him put his clothes back on. Party on, dude!



       January 29


Definetly not being denied! Goodbye to Showgirls!
Spitfire and Dog Pound are pictured here saying good bye to showgirls as only they could. Show girls was shut down by the government of Canada because of the nudity. Everyone at team Rblords really misses the naked girls, but have found some level of solace in Spitfire's Play Boy Channel subscription. Viva La Tits N Ass! Viva La Rblords!



And so that concludes the top updates of the year. I think it is important that everyone recognizes the effort and challenge involved in this website. Not only that, but I'm certain that everyone reading this website has noticed how lazy a lot of city workers are. Have you ever wondered why? It's because Spitfire works so hard that the other workers can slack off. In fact, he works so hard that City workers in Calgary can afford to slack off. If it wasn't for Spitfire, all municipal governments would crumble, and the provincial ones would be struggling very hard.
Wherever you are, please put your hands up and raise the roof in recognition of the great efforts of Spitfire, but especially his great efforts. You'd better recognize, or I'll call the G-Hump collection agency to collect that recognition. Bitch.

Music has always been a big part of rblords, and of the rblords crew. I have prepared, to the best of my ability, the top 10 songs of the last year, based on listener enthusiasm, sing along value, number of people that I've seen dancing to the music, but especially personal bias.

Rblords Top Ten Songs of the Year:

  1. Night Ranger Sister Christian
  2. Shaggy Angel
  3. Nelly Furtado Turn out the Light
  4. Limp Bizkit Rollin'
  5. East Bank G's You Don't Wanna Fuck With Cayley
  6. Milli Vanilli Blame it on the Rain
  7. Dido Thank You (It's Not So Bad)
  8. P. Diddy Bad Boy for Life
  9. Ozzy Ossbourne Crazy Train
  10. Darude Sandstorm


  11. To close this monster review, I have selected a montage of pictures that have been part of the weekend update history. Check this out:


Nov 08, 2001

Spitfire


WHAT?!?? So I don't update! Why all the hatemail!?!?

Ok I lied...other than Dog Pound nobody has complained. I'm hurt. Really, I am. I suppose I should follow _SPACE_'s example though, she's been updating like crazy lately...

Well...winter is pretty much here for those of us in northern quarter of the globe...the polar bears are ransacking our igloos and the avalanches have crippled our somewhat primitive road system...so looks like we're trapped indoors for another cold, frigid half-year!

Ok, for those who haven't already seen it, check out this awesome skincream commercial.

For all of you flight simulator junkies or Taliban terrorists out there, here's a patch for Flight Simulator 2000 to remove the World Trade Centers from the landscape. Just in case it really bothered you that they were still there...

There, I actually put out some crappy content :)

Whats new around here? Not much...the new server is doing well, no problems yet. Not sure whats going to happen to RBlords in the future...I seem to find less and less time to keep it up, and the site is in major need of an overhaul. For now we're stuck with this boring look until I can whip something else up (never).

This past weekend I took a trip to our Queen city to hit up Casino Regina. I'm proud to say that I returned with all of the money I entered with, plus $15. Not much, but hey at least I came out on the up side! I can't believe how many 200 year old women there are playing 2 slot machines at once, with $400 in each one...depressing really. I even saw one woman win $200 on the $1 slots...she was jumping around all excited...then when it was finally finished paying out she just went back to playing...at least I knew when to stop!

Unfortunately, Dog Pound got bitten by the gambling bug...and while I was hitting up the slots, and soul_d was hitting up the sluts, DP lost his entire life savings. On the up side, it was only $20. Either way, he recieved a quick slap on the wrist and we brought him back to our sleazy motel room. I should also mention that YC hated our motel room and insisted that we leave, but we didn't. YC hates a lot of things...he's a surly motherfucker.

Anyhow, check back soon - I'll have more content up right away. Until then, check out the inactive Discussion Board!

Chao!

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