Feb 24, 2003 - Sit down for a bit and learn about the important issues with YC

YC


Well, as many of us are anticipating the arrival of summer, winter tightens it's firm grip on our lives. This morning I left for work and stepped out into a paltry -48 degrees celsius (with windchill). Spitfire will be quick to point out that I only actually had to endure this temperature for the 10 meter walk to my garage seeing as I park underground at work, and in rebuttle I simply say "HA, suckers"! Well, I am still optimistic and believe that by early april we will be enjoying some warmer days, so another month of this is all we should have to worry about.

The weekend party was quite enjoyable, JB and larmal made their appearances and both left their mark in one form or another. Larmal decided to leave his by dumping a bowl full of mystery goo on the living room floor, and it had nothing to do with the fact that spitfire had him pinned down on the couch holding the bowl over him and smearing it on his head while yelling "CALL ME A TROOPA"!!! No, nothing to do with that at all. JB left his by stabbing spitfire with my bottle opener shortly before leaving. I wouldn't have found this out except that I was looking for my keys in the morning which are attached to the bottle opener, and upon calling spitfire he realized "oh THAT is what's stuck in my ribs". All in all there was a lot of beer drank, a LOT of gin chugged, mostly by spitfire, and a lot of mess to clean up in the morning.

Now on to a more pointless topic, which none the less I am very stubborn about and refuse to back down on to anybody! There is a right way to do it, and a wrong way to do it. It seems that a lot of people do it wrong, and it's quite disturbing. There are only 2 ways, my way and the wrong way! I am of course talking about........the orientation of which you place your TP on the roller, what more important issue is there than this! The two options are to have it roll off the back (closer to the wall), or off the front (closer to you and the toilet). The proper orientation is obviously to have it closer to you and the toilet, so rolling off the front. There are many reasons that this way is the best so I will cover a few of them for you.


  • First of all the TP has a much lower chance of piling up when rolling off the front, so your maximum rate of unrolling is much higher from the front.

  • Secondly, when you are drunk and having trouble staying on the shitter let alone unrolling yourself some TP, it is a lot easier to simply hang your arm out above where you think the TP is and let it drop, if by some miracle you lined it up above the TP, then you will swat it on the way down and voila, you have some TP out. If you rolled it off the back of the roll, well you might as well just grab one of the magazines beside you and use that.

  • When you are having trouble finding the end of the roll so it will start unrolling it's way easier to see it when it's facing YOU as opposed to facing the wall.

  • The smaller the roll gets, the harder it is to roll facing the back, but it remains just as easy to roll off the front

    Ok that should be enough reasons for any reasonable person. If it wasn't, well then you can just continue on living life as you have been, full well knowing that you are breaking the 11th commandment, thou shalt not roll their TP from the back!

    Ok on to more serious topics, many of you may be concerned about the americans and all the stuff that's been going on down there. Well don't worry because www.whitehose.org is here to the rescue to explain everything from the vice presidents wife to the new patriotism programs they have initiated to boost military enrollment and get women to stay home and have babies! I mean really, who can argue with this? They are also always on the ball to deliver the latest news like when somebody new moves to town. Also don't forget how much they are thinking about your individual safety. They don't want anything bad to happen to anybody, so make sure to take part in their programs, because they are for your own benefit! Enough of this though, I will leave you to paruse the rest of the information for yourself.

    Well now, I couldn't leave you without a little eye candy to go home with. If any of you watched the tv show "Highschool Reunion" then you undoubtedly noticed Holly, the shy girl who came out of her shell after school and decided to pose for playboy, and so, I give you her playboy photoshoot.
    Pic: 1 2 3 4 5


    Well that is all for now! Tune in next time for Folding VS Bunching!

  • Feb 19, 2003 - Just a quick, yet important, update...

    Spitfire


    This just in (from theOnion.com):

    Bacon Good For You, Reports Best Scientist Ever

    ROCHESTER, MN -- Bacon, long believed to contribute to heart disease and obesity, possesses significant health benefits, according to a study released Monday by Dr. Albert Gruber, the best scientist ever. "My research has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process," the awesome Gruber said. "What's more, the bacon's positive effects are enhanced when combined with milk shakes and/or marijuana." In 1997, Gruber, a Mayo Clinic cardiologist, was awarded nine Nobel Prizes in Medicine for discovering that frequent oral sex with models cures cancer.

    Feb 18, 2003 - I am not young enough to know everything...

    Spitfire


    Well, now that the most expensive time of year for me is over (Girlfriend's birthday/xmas/new years/valentines day/aniversery), I am ready to save up some cash. And when I say 'save up' I mean 'pay off' and when I say 'cash' I mean 'loan sharks'. Fat Tony done gonna have my legs broke!

    Before I forget - I really wanted to post this picture of the sunset as viewed from an orbiting satelite. Really neat to look at - notice how bright the Sahara desert looks even at night!

    soul_d responded to my Valentine's update (regarding the fact that Valentine's day is the only day of the year that you can't get pregnant - due to the alignment of the planets) with the following:

    "The exact details are much more complicated, but that is actually more or less the way it works."
    So there you have it folks. And don't forget to check out Hellsh0k's awesome book review on Demoni.ca today. Please take into account that his review is entirely satirical - I can say that this book was one of my all-time favorite's, perhaps second only to Incognito Mosquito.

    Sorry for the quick update, I'll have more to post soon. My comic supply has also dried up, so draw me some more! Yes, this means you mrp! I'll leave you today with the winner of the Miss San Francisco pagent (2000)...


    Beautiful!!

    Feb 14, 2003 - Valentine's Day!

    Spitfire


    It's Valentine's Day!

    Possibly the most over-commercialized day of the year, aside from Christmas and possibly mother's day. And no doubt one of the most profitable. And why not? As YC so graciously puts it: "Valentine's day is the one day of the year when non-single people are guaranteed to get some". I think this should hold special significance to any of you married guys out there! And for those of you single guys/gals out there, what a great excuse to get together with somebody you barely know and fuck like rabbits.
    After all, Valentine's day IS the only day of the year that you can't get pregnant. Blue4130 or soul_d might correct me on this, but I think it has something to do with the sun and the alignment of the planets. Either way, it's a proven fact - take my word for it. You'll be glad you did.

    So, in appreciation of this blown-up love holliday, I offer to you these fabulous valentine's cards (look to your right). If you are the kind of person that hates everything (especially Valentine's Day), then perhaps you'd like to print these out and send them to some of your friends/enemies.

    Also notice the Valentine's day webcam picture and the Valentine's day comic.

    Heil the big asses!!


    V Day Cards!: 1 2 3 4 5 6

    I suppose I should supply some sort of 'original' content at least once this year, so what better time than now? I think that I'll write a valentine's poem to all of my dedicated readers (that's you!). So please read carefully, your tax dollars are paying for me to write this poem for you:

    An RBlords Valentine

    Lovers rushing here and there, to find that special prize.
    Awash in a sea of chocolates, and Lingerie of every size.
    There's no better way to show your love (and fit it in your cart),
    than to buy that pile of roses, and ten million candy hearts.

    And love, they say, will conquer all - compassion oft endears,
    despite the trials and heartaches of the past (how many?) years.
    Imagine all the things you share, don't worry what you lack,
    besides, this day you're guaranteed to get some in the sack.

    Now if you want to know what caused the writing of this rhyme,
    I admit it's rather simple - two parts vodka, one part lime.
    I'm waiting...hope she'll get here soon (as I'm filling up my cup),
    another 2 or 3 of these and I won't be able to get it up!

    Thank you everyone, and good night!!

    Feb 12, 2003 - I'm losing momentum on these updates...

    Spitfire


    Oops! I posted yesterday's update without uploading all of the content, so if you noticed that some of the links weren't working, go back and try them now and I think that you will be pleasantly surprised.

    If you've got some time to spare, swing by Demoni.ca to see soul_d's anual year-in-review update. We scored a whooping -1.5 with mad props to our new comics - but negative props to our lack of a link to Soul_D Online. Oh well, guess you can't win them all.

    I didn't really have that much to say today - other than that there is a new comic today by none other than Dog Pound. This has exhausted my comic supply, so if you guys don't start sending in some more I'll be forced to draw them myself!!

    Feb 11, 2003 - Phun with VPNs - is that an oxymoron?

    Spitfire


    Well, the RBlords network is now officially connected to the Powersource network once again via VPN. What does this mean for you guys? Absolutely nothing. Why am I even mentioning it then? I guess because I'm a sad and lonely man with nothing better to talk about and hoped that some fellow geek would find it interesting. What, you don't? Bah!!

    Oh well - I'm sure the only reason my readers even visit this site is because of the pictures of strippers and bikini powerpoint presentations. Well,in the interest of science I will give you something to think about today.


    Invisible Coat?!?
    Now tell me honestly - how many of you have toyed with the idea of creating an invisible coat? With countless theories abound which include special diamond coated sheets which refract light *around* your own body, no scientist will tell you that the ability to wear an invisibility coat is entirely impossible - but the manufacturing of such a device is still, perhaps, a long way off.

    Well - professor Susumu Tachi of Toyko is at least trying (see picture on the left). Although his invention is a bit impracticle for mobile use, you have to admit the idea is appealing. Especially when they mention the uses this technique might have in medical practices. Click on the picture on the left to read the full article, where you can also view a video of the device in use (click on the smaller photo on the left of the article).

    Now that you've had a chance to get your brain thinking, take a stab at understanding _SPACE_'s new comic for rblords. It should be noted that I hounded her until she eventually submitted, and I don't think that she was very happy about the whole ordeal. I believe that the aristry put into the comic reveals the anger that she was feeling for me at that moment in time. Beautiful stuff.

    Valentine's day is coming up, you can expect an RBlords exclusive report to celebrate it. At least I think you can - if I don't forget. That's all for now!

    Feb 05, 2003 - Anorexia is Phat!

    Audiophile


    Hello everyone Audiophile here, welcome to today's update. It's great to be back home from a nice Christmas holiday spent in BC with family. I missed my home and friends whom were kind enough to hold a "coming home" party for me. I haven't much news to share with you so I shall share a language lesson with you. This update will teach you how to learn Chinese in 5 minutes:

    1) That's not right......................................... Sum Ting Wong
    2) Are you harboring a fugitive?........................ Hu Yu Hai Ding
    3) See me ASAP............................................. Kum Hia Nao
    4) Stupid man................................................ Dum Fuk
    5) Small horse................................................ Tai Ni Po Ni
    6) Did you go to the beach?............................. Wai Yu So Tan
    7) I bumped into a coffee table......................... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
    8) I think you need a face lift........................... Chin Tu Fat
    9) It's very dark in here................................... Wao So Dim
    10) I thought you were on a diet....................... Wai Yu Mun Ching
    11) This is a tow away zone............................. No Pah King
    12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week......... Wai Yu Kum Nao
    13) Staying out of sight................................... Lei Ying Lo
    14) He's cleaning his automobile........................ Wa Shing Ka
    15) Your body odor is offensive......................... Yu Stin Ki Pu
    16) Great...................................................... Fah Kin Su Pah

    Now that you are equipped to deal with several situations in Chinese, you're going to have to check out this hot new comic that was posted by !zebu! which features a day in the life of an RBlord. If making comics for Rblords has unlocked your creative side and you starve for more of a challenge, why not check out this site if you dare.

    The annual Holopalooza bash once again went out with a bang at the infamous Holowaty mansion up on rocker lane. It could be best described as Amphetamine Adrian meets Fatboy Rob vs Demons & Wizards X2. Kudos goes out to to my main niggaz Fuckface who played their FULL unrehearsed set to a crowd of angry booing crackheads. Bastard Machine filled their yearly time slot performing a set of pure rock with a side of extreme volume. After I smoked some bananas I lost track of time for 3 or 4 hours. My only recollection of the events therein are choking on cheese and crackers while Spitfire shoved gummy worms in my ears and nose. After I woke up dazed and confused from the Lysol bread Tyraq and I proceeded to persuade hippy women to declothe themselves and let us take pictures....this of course ending in failure.

    I shall bid you all farewell and leave you with this inspiring picture. You don't even have to be a computer geek to understand what it's all about. Have a great day and enjoy!


    Toodles!

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