Happy Motherfucking Graduation, DP!


Today's article goes out to none other than my main hombre Dog Pound.

It is his time to shine in the winner circle, he's been at it for over a decade but he has finally Conquered one of his greatest life obstacle... the completion of Secondary Education.

(BTW YES I AM IN THE PROCESS OF COMPLETING MY SECONDARY EDUCATION, BUT YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT SO FUCK OFF!)

Early in life, education was put on the back burner due to bad influences and peer pressure from His circle of friends. It was in 9th grade when he met the person that would lead his life down a VERY dark path.... Soul D, a bad ass mother fucker now serving out a double life sentence at "Jurassic Jail and Zoological Center" in Drumheller for his violent outburst on two innocent bystanders who were believed to work at City Hall in Saskatoon (god bless you Drew and Danni). Soul D's influence on Dog Pound was so negative, he turned to a world of sex, drums, and rock and roll to cover up his deep seeded issues about ignoring the life as a student.

Dog Pound was out of control, in and out of detention centers, community service, and on Montel Jordan where he attended a show that dealt with out of control teens. This is where his lack of respect for his fellow woman would first be displayed when he said, "I don't care whether you gots the scabies, just as long as you aint gots no mutha fuckin' babies."

The viewers were outraged; he received hundreds of letters from angry viewers that had watched his display of hate unfold over television. BUT just at the point where Dog Pound was about to lose all hope and direction in life, his savior appeared out of the blue. Out of all the hate mail he had received, there was one letter, the letter that would be the turning point for Dog Pound. the only good amongst the evil. A letter from "Spitfire", all it said was "If you "heart" boobs, come with me to Showgirls, and I will show you the way. meet me there at 9pm, You'll know who I am"

Dog Pound, desperate for a last chance at life, went to Showgirls. When he walked into the bar he looked over the crowd scanning all the faces in the room, but none of them seemed to catch his eye. When out from a dark corner a deep voice rang out over the room saying " COME WITH ME". Dog Pound, scared and uncertain said, "How do I know I can trust you?" the voice replied " SHUT THE FUCK UP", in a slurred, confusing, but stylish manner. Dog Pound having problems grasping what was just said, replied by saying, "excuse me?" The voice replied in an annoyed tone " AARGH.I'm a complicated man, No-one understands me but my woman!" And out from the darkness and smoke appeared. SHAFT... SPITFIRE WAS SHAFT!!!.

Dog Pound complied with Shaft's orders and followed him up to the front stage where a very sexy woman, possibly the sexiest woman Dog Pound has ever seen was dancing. Shaft then beckoned the dancer, she ran to the edge of the stage where Dog Pound and Shaft were standing, bent over and pushed her breasts up together in Shaft's face. Shaft got out a red marker and began writing on the beautiful woman's breasts. The woman then pushed them up in Dog Pound's face where he could read the writing, which read "Get yo ass back in school cracka". Then Shaft, grabbing Dog Pounds cheek and redirecting it toward his dark face said authoritatively "YOU DIG?" Dog Pound stood there filled with mixed feelings, nodded with affirmation to Shaft. Dog Pound fled Showgirls and went on the enroll in High School the following day where he successfully completed his secondary education just months later.


Dog Pound this goes out to you... KUDOS!

Audiophile